Twins

I have four beautiful children but let’s talk about my twin daughters, that are almost five years old. Absolutely no one could’ve prepared me for the shock I was about to experience as I layed on that bed getting my first ultrasound. The room was so silent! I had plenty of ultrasounds with my first child, so I basically knew what I was looking at during this ultrasound. I layed there silently waiting for the ultrasound tech to pick up a heart beat. As she was doing her thing I was watching the screen and I thought I had seen another sac! I look at the lady and said “wait, what is that?!” She looked at me and said “I’m really not supposed to say much in here, but since you noticed it, that’s another baby.” I was so shocked I didn’t even know how to feel, I just said “Two, Two babies, how am I going to have two?!” She then said “well I wasn’t going to tell you, because the heart beat is very weak and usually when we see this that one doesn’t survive, and this baby is showing that it’s growth is two weeks behind the other baby with a strong heart beat.” As I layed there continuing to let her do her thing, I couldn’t help but pray over that second baby, even though I knew I didn’t want twins and thought I couldn’t do it, I prayed. No matter what, God blessed me with two babies and I wanted that baby to get a strong heart beat and be healthy. I walked to my car to head home but then I just sat there for a minute. I thought to myself I’ve got to call my family because I couldn’t hold this news to myself for much longer. I called my mom and she couldn’t believe it I think she was just as shocked as I was but with more excitement. Then I went to call my husband, but as I was dialing his number my jaw dropped. He joked over and over about us having twins for weeks! I had forgot all about that until I picked up my phone to call him. I make the call and told him you won’t believe the news I got today, I told him we are having twins just like you were joking about. He was also in shock but he was so happy because these were his first kids. My oldest is his step daughter that he already accepted as his own. I totally understood the excitement coming from him though because he wasn’t just excited for the babies, he was excited to care for me and watch me change through pregnancy. He’s been such a great dad! We told our families together that we were expecting twins and I really think that over half of them thought that we were lying. I couldn’t imagine my life without these two amazing little girls now, I thank God for them every single day. I was so scared I wouldn’t be able to take care of two babies at once, but honestly it just comes to you so naturally. It has definitely been challenging at times, but they are such a blessing and the one who wasn’t supposed to make it is thriving and such a sweetheart. My oldest has been the biggest help and loves being an older sister. I’m truly such a blessed momma! Now, they are big sisters to their baby brother. It’s been the hardest yet most awarding thing I’ve ever done in life. Being a momma is like nothing else, and I’m so happy this is where God put me in life.

Being a mother of twins is learning about strengths you didn’t know you had and dealing with fears you didn’t know existed.

Getting My Groove Back

After having my youngest, I fell deep into depression with really bad anxiety. Life was not easy at all! I would go days without brushing my hair, changing my clothes, literally anything that involved self care I was not doing it. I had no motivation to do anything, I finally reached out to family and doctors about what was going on. At first, I was just telling myself that it was helping, but it truly wasn’t. No one was able to help me until I finally realized I needed to help myself. Of course I still have my days that aren’t the best, but I’ve noticed I’m not completely dreading waking up anymore. It’s basically a lie that you have to tell yourself in order to start feeling better, but it’s also showing yourself that you’re going to take action in doing the small things. I’ve now started doing my hair, skin care, make up, getting dressed every single day. To me; looking good, is feeling good. Eventually, you trick your mind into finding a new pattern and you start to notice a major difference. I used to tell myself “you don’t have time,” “you have four kids,” “you can’t do anything for yourself.” Gosh, I was just blindsiding myself! If I could tell any mother some advice, it would be to MAKE THE TIME FOR YOURSELF!! Having four kids is a lot and seriously takes a lot from me, but you just have to give yourself daily reminders. Your children need you to be your best self! I’m starting to love myself again and that’s also helped with my marriage and accepting the way my life is right now, it’s something beautiful and should be appreciated more.

What is a Mother?

A mother; a nurturing being, always on the clock, I mean at least that’s how it feels right? It’s like this never ending cycle that one day we just had to be ready for. Hoping that we get recognition of at least one thing we did that day. All the sleepless nights, all the boo-boo’s we have to kiss, all the tears we have to wipe, all the teaching, cooking, and cleaning we have to do. The list really goes on and on. But, the I love you’s from our children and the hugs really make up for all the stressful moments.

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